The Fabricated Goddess

Thursday, December 14, 2006


I don't have time nor do I have a topic to post on today. It's been another one of those go-go-GO! days. Don't you just love the Christmas season? Yes, I''ll be running around shouting about marmosets soon enough. I'm off to a rehearsal for a BIG! FANTASTIC! Christmas production that I wasn't supposed to be a part of. Until 3 weeks ago when they (the powers that be) asked if I'd write an opening sketch for this production. Then they asked if I'd direct it. Then they asked if I would choreograph (the horror! I know ) the song that the sketch segues into. Then they asked if I'd do make-up. Then they asked if I'd be a stage hand. Then they asked if I could be the stage left manager. Yeah. So I'm heading to Starbucks for a large coffee and then I'm off to a tech rehearsal that will be long. I'll leave you with the script for the sketch I wrote because I have nothing else to post and I don't want to break my streak here. ENJOY! Reflections of Christmas: OPENING SKIT Barry: (a parking lot attendant with reflective vest, etc….walking up on stage, trying to remember the license plate number he needs to announce) Was it VLE 101? No, that’s not it. Gah! OH, WAIT!! It was VLP 101. Yes! No! Um, I think. That just doesn’t sound right. I can’t believe I forgot what it was. I should have written it down! What was I thinking? I am not walking all the way back out there to find out. Darren: (Janitor - with broom, enters singing, dancing and sweeping, in a jolly mood) I got sunshiiiinnnne on a cloudy day! Barry: Think, think, think! Darren: When it’s cold outsiiiide…..I got the month of Maaaaay! Barry: Wait! V1Y 2M6? V1Y……? Ahhh, no that’s my postal code for crying out loud. I’m really losing it here. Darren: (like Elvis) Hey! Ah-thank you very much! (pretends broom is a microphone) Barry: (at microphone centre stage. Taps on mic) Um, is this thing on? OH! (nervous laugh) I guess it is. Hi folks. I, umm, I have to announce a car with it’s lights left on, but um (laughing again) well, I think the license plate is V something something something. There might be an E in there and like a 101, or 909, or something like that. It’s sort of a compact car but longer, with a (holds up hands and gestures) ….whadda-you-call-it. And sort of a green colour. Well, or, maybe more blueish, hard to say…Wait, it was gray, yes, definitely a greenish-blueish-gray, colour. Um, right. So if this sounds familiar to you and you think you might have, you know…. Darren: Um, what are you doing?? We’re not supposed to touch the equipment. Barry: I’m just trying to, you know, make an announcement. Darren: Well, okay, but you might want to double check that license plate number, because, your not making a whole lot of sense. Are you okay? You seem a little…..(gesturing and making a stressed out face) Barry: Well of course I’m a little….(makes gesture and face back at Darren) All these cars, and the snow and HEY it’s really cold out there. And my parking cones keep getting run over and you know, it’s a lot harder than it looks to use those traffic direction lights. (does a poor traffic director imitation, arms going every which way) Darren: Oh I see. (chuckling) Barry: Oh you see what? Darren: Well I can see that you’re thinking about this the wrong way. Barry: I am? Darren: Yes. You see you think that it’s you against the world, you know? ‘Us’ vs. ‘Them’. You’ve got it all wrong. Barry: I do? But my cones…. Darren: Ah forget about the cones. The cones don’t matter. Barry: They don’t? Darren: No of course they don’t. Barry: Wait, now I AM confused. If my parking cones don’t matter then what does? Darren: The people! Barry: (a bit suspicious) People. Darren: Yes, these people (gesturing to the audience) are what matter. They are important. They are our guests. Barry: Well I’m not sure how that can be true. My cones are pretty special to me. Darren: Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe this will help you understand. Here, hold this for a minute. (hands Barry his broom) (to audience) Sorry about all this folks. I know Christmas can be stressfull for everyone, but I think I can help. So sit back, RELAX (to Barry) and (singing) “Be our guest. Be our guest…” Brilliant? No?


  • Heeheehee! I love that! Wish I could see it on stage, that's so fun. I always love when they open shows with a skit like that - at one show I saw, they had a couple group members pretend they had to sit on a few audience seats and making a fuss. It was funny. ;)

    Whoooooo on you getting this huge thing to do for this show though! I knew you wouldn't leave the theater world hang without your talents for too long. :)

    By Anonymous zephie, at 12/18/2006 10:48:00 AM  

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