The Fabricated Goddess

Friday, January 20, 2006

Chips? Ahoy!

So Erin and I are doing a Wild Rose Cleanse. It's our annual beginning-of-the-year ritual. You know the one. That sacred time of year when you tell yourself you aren't getting any younger and BY ZEUS you are finally going to start eating healthy. This cleanse is supposed to detoxify your liver and other systems - and by detoxify, I mean it cleans you out. Oh and those 'other systems'? That would be referring to your entire lower GI tract. This is supposed to make you feel good. And it does. Eventually. But to start with it's the pooping that nearly kills me every time. Don't get me wrong I'm a big fan of the pooping, really - because, I mean, who doesn't love a good poop? And the alternative: not pooping? Just plain scarey. So, I'm not complaining so much as I'm pleading with a higher power when I say ENOUGH WITH THE POOPING, ALREADY! It's DAY 5. F-I-V-E!!!!! But aside from that minor trivial detail, it's the diet that gets to me in the end. OH it looks good on paper. No dairy. No flour of any kind. No sugar. Nothing fermented. Blah, blah, blah. I mean, who can eat like that and call it living? Where's the joie de vivre in that, I ask you? But fear not, for I have found a loop hole. See, there is this tiny box of fine print on the dietary checklist sheet that says "If a food is not listed then you may NOT eat it." Now, in the past I have taken this literally and abstained from all that is good and precious to me. But this time I have decided to throw caution to the wind and push the limitations of the diet. It's really the only way. For example: dark chocolate. It's non-dairy and you can find it sweetened with malitol so that it's sugar free. And chocolate is derived from a plant. So, chocolate is in. Today I decided: potato chips - also in. I mean, come on! Potato chips are made from potatoes. D'uh. And not just ANY potatoes. Specially selected potatoes. I know. I checked the label. Ingredients: specially selected potatoes, sunflower oil, salt. All natural ingredients. So, chip in. I'm working on red wine next. It's more complicted to justify, but I'm sure I'm up to the challenge.


  • Oh my goodness, way to go with the justification. Let me know how that works for you. LOL!!!

    By Blogger Treasured Grace, at 1/20/2006 09:53:00 p.m.  

  • LOL too cute. Just be careful because if you eat too much of that chocolate sweetened with malitol you will just poop more LOL

    By Blogger Rose, at 1/22/2006 05:06:00 p.m.  

  • Darlin: You are still the funniest person I know. I love to read whatever you write but obviously so do other people.

    By Anonymous Mum, at 1/23/2006 03:46:00 a.m.  

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