The Fabricated Goddess

Monday, April 24, 2006

So. Where have I been, you ask....

Well, apparently the season of incessant running around is upon me. You know, that season where everyone is signed up for some outdoor activity or another and I'm the only one who can get them there. Right. Add taxi and shuttle services to the ever growing list of duties that I am responsible for that make me scream I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!! Seriously. It's charlatanism, plain and simple. I mean, who would sigh up for motherhood knowing that this is what you end up as: a harried, over worked, under appreciated, unpaid, concierge. What's that you say, Master Ethan? You would like a peanut butter and honey sandwich, lightly toasted with the crusts removed? Coming right up. ..... Ahhh, Master Finn, I would be delighted to get you yet another yogurt tube. Shall I deliver it to the usual place? Go ahead and throw the wrapper on the floor, I'll see to that later. ..... OH Mr. Erin! What a novel and refreshing idea. Allow me to take my clothing off immediately and postition myself provocatively on the bed. Okay, wait. That last one does sound like a good idea. Ahem. The other reason that I haven't had much to post is that I've been doing all this damn journaling because this creative recovery book that I'm reading tells me this is the key to unblocking. Feeling depressed about your life? JOURNAL! Feel like there is something missing? JOURNAL! Don't know why you haven't done all the things you dreamed you'd do?? JOURNAL!! C'mon, it's fun! Like a root canal. Without the drugs! Your life, only worse. Because now? Now it's in print! WHOO HOOOO!!! Sign me up. So far I've journalled all my anger, my frustration, my pain, my hopes, my fears, my secret desires, and my grocery list. I've journalled so much I may have to change my response to the question "How're you doin'?" from "Still POOPIN'!" to "Still JOURNALLING!" I think I've actually journalled myself into a corner. Today I wrote about my internet addiction. Yes, that's right. Riveting stuff. Here's an exerpt: Day 15 - I think I have an internet addiction. I know this because I once went into a self induced coma from sitting in front of my computer and hitting the refresh button on my internet browser 7029 times in a row. I'd say that's a problem, wouldn't you? Save me from myself. P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C. I did discover that I needed to forgive a few people who did some damage along the way. Mrs. Hext, my kindergarten teacher, who, in front of the entire class put me over her knee and used my bottom to tap out a counting lesson. Mr. P, my seventh grade teacher who did whatever he could to belittle me in general. And last but not least, every Professor I ever had in University, with the exception of Sister Corona Sharp (I'm living the DRAMA Sister, I truly am!) who completely eviscerated my sense of self and creativity. So hey! That's some progress I guess. In other news from around the nest. The children are cracking me up and making me crazy all at once. They have succumbed to "Star Wars" fever. Erin let them watch the first two original films and now there is no end of light sabers and X-wings and land speeders. The other day I over heard Finny say to Ethan, "Hey you want to play Star Wars?" to which Ethan said "Sure, I'll be Luke and you can be R2-D2" Finn happily beep beeped the rest of the afternoon away, walking on his knees and following Ethan everywhere. I predict that this will end somewhere in their 40's. For 7 months. After which time they will have a mid-life crisis and return to all things reminiscent of their youth. I pray for their future spouses daily. Finn has recently dubbed our house "Minigo" after his favourite creamy yogurt snack. He is also going thru yet another annoying phase of development. A while back I complained about him calling everyone rude names like "poop head" and "poopy poop". My friend Court suggested that I should wash his mouth out with soap and quite frankly I hadn't even thought of that. So I told him the next time he used those rude words I was going to put soap in his mouth. I've never seen a boy clean up his language so fast, because that was pretty much the end of the poop talk. OH HOW I WISH THE POOP TALK WOULD COME BACK!! No longer able to express his dark side through potty talk, he has taken to exposing himself to people. Yes. You read that correctly. Today on the play ground at school, he turned to me and flashed me a full frontal. Thank goodness it was just his underwear this time, but the horror I experienced is next to impossible to describe. My son, the four year old flasher. I was thinking I needed to buy him a spring rain coat but after today we'll be sticking to umbrellas. Also, in another charming turn of events he has taken to acting out scenes from "The Exorcist" whenever the word NO is utter in his prescence. So I told him this evening that I was going to wash his mouth out with soap the next time screamed at me that way and kicked the walls (etc.). But now I'm a little afraid what might happen if this newest suppression works as well as the last? Good GRAVY! What have I done?? I'll keep you posted.

3 Comments:

  • You can't blame this one on me i only showed him how to pee on a tree. Really mike the 2 of them are just boys, just ask Erin what he and Shane did at the same ages if they will admit it. As for you keep doing what ever your doing it's working you are getting back the old fiery Michelle. Keep writing i love it.

    By Anonymous lhd, at 4/25/2006 01:17:00 p.m.  

  • Hello little girl. You are still very funny even when you are angry. Keep expressing yourself, we thought we lost you for a while but you are there. Oh Erin hang on to your hat you are in for a good ride. Love Mum

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4/26/2006 06:28:00 a.m.  

  • When my little brother was three, he urinated in the middle of the playground when my mum came to pick me (then aged about 9) up from school. We were both mortified... These things make brilliant stories in retrospect though! :) Keep writing.. Lizzyxx

    By Blogger Lizzy, at 4/26/2006 04:38:00 p.m.  

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